The Family Circus

Before I had children, I had this idealistic view of what being a stay-at-home-mom would be like. I'd be like June Clever in blue jeans keeping my house neat and orderly while providing my children with fun and educational experiences. That image has been shattered by the reality of raising two kids. Just trying to empty the dishwasher can become a high drama. It usually goes something like this:

Me: Ok kids, I need to put the dishes away. Who wants to watch some educational television.

Riley: Meeeeeeeee

Colin: (does not respond because he is throwing large wooden blocks at the window)

Me: (exchanging blocks for a stuffed animals) Let's watch Elmo. This will just take a few minutes. 

Colin: Auuuuuuugggghhhh (yelling because he suddenly does not have Mommy's attention and following me into the kitchen.)

Me: Colin do not touch the dishwasher.

Riley: Mommy, I have to go potty.

Me: Ok, go potty. Colin do not touch the dishwasher.

Riley: Mommy, the bathroom door is closed. I can't get it open.

Me: (running to bathroom) I'll get it. (returning to kitchen) COLIN, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE DISHWASHER!

Colin: Ha ha ha ha. (I take Colin by the hand and lead him back to the living room.)

Riley: (screaming) MOMMY!!!!!!!

Me: (running to bathroom) What's wrong?

Riley: Is there going to be a splash?

Me: What?

Riley: (very concerned) Is there going to be a big splash?

Me: Uh, no. Just a little thunk.

Riley: OK.

Me: (returning to kitchen to find Colin there) Colin, Hobbes does not like his tail pulled. No tail pulling.

Riley: (entering kitchen naked from the waist down) I'm all done. 

Me: Aren't you forgetting something?

Riley: Oh yea. I'll go wash my hands.

Me: Colin, leave Hobbes alone.

Riley: (returning) I washed my hands.

Me: Go put your pants and underwear on.

Hobbes: Mmmrrow! (translation- "Will someone please help me?")

Colin: Ha ha ha, kitten!

Me: COLIN, DO NOT SIT ON HOBBES!

Riley: (back again) I did it. (underwear is inside out, pants are on backwards)

Me: (removing Colin to the pack-and-play) Let's try this again. Remember, the big pockets go in back.

Riley: (throwing herself on the floor) I can't do it! Aaaauuugghhhh!

Colin: (pulling curtains off the wall from the pack-and-play) Aaauuugggghhhh!

Me: (giving up after putting away two plates and a fork) Aaaauuuuggghhhhh!

And now I will leave you with some cute pictures of the kids.

The Scarlet Letter

Well, it finally happened. I knew it was bound to occur sooner or later, and it finally did. I was in Buehler's pharmacy with both kids getting a prescription filled for Colin. Riley was standing beside me holding my hand and Colin was in the stroller. A woman in line behind me struck up a conversation by commenting on my daughter's lovely hair. 

"I can see she looks just like her mother," she said. 

I smiled and thanked her. Then she took a little peak around the stroller at Colin.

"Oh, your husband must have dark coloring," was her next remark.

"No," I said, "He has blond hair and blue eyes too." 

I think this woman dislocated her eyebrows they shot up so fast. She looked as if she was dying to ask more questions but thought better of it. Jeff believes I shouldn't take such wicked delight in someone's false assumptions about my virtue or lack thereof, but I found it rather humorous. Perhaps I should have informed her that the big "A" she was imagining on my chest really stood for adoption.